A Posture of Nothingness

"Yet I consider life of no importance to me, if only may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to bear witness to the gospel of Gods grace." Acts 20:24.

I always admire the humility of St. Paul. Every time he encounters difficult situations, he always considers himself as nothing compared to his God and his service. He boasts of nothing but his weaknesses. And so he was so at peace when he said, "Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG." 2 Cor 12:10. St. Paul understands profoundly the basic truth that we can only be strong in Christ. It is in our weaknesses that we come into realization that we are nothing in front of Christ; it is only He who can make us strong. That is why He will be glorified more, when we cling on to Him every time we feel betrayed, misinterpreted, misunderstood because we felt unable to articulate much what our hearts feel. Brothers and sisters it is still God in the end!

St. Paul was so at peace with his God, that others are nothing compares to his Christ. Even life is no importance to him. I've never felt that much than becoming a missionary. Denying yourself before was just words beautifully told, but as I grow in this community it has become meaningful. As I grow deeper in understanding, denying oneself has more significance now. To die and deny, does not just means to die physically. Every time we deny and die with our own emotions, feelings and desires, the more God fills us up to the brim. Because we understand much that in denying ourselves we trust in the goodness of the beautiful plan of our God for us. He knows better than us!

In our service, there will always be challenges, there will always be obstacles. In our service, we get hurt, disappointed, misunderstood, insulted, and at times felt betrayed. We felt alone, and at times we felt abandoned. Every time we experience all these things, we journey with our God in His sufferings. "Whoever wants to follow me, must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me." Following our God is always denying ourselves! Everything is really nothing, WE ARE NOTHING! It is always a challenge for us to say in the end like St. Paul, "I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith." 2 Tim 4:7. We're not saying that we don't fail, because I do failed many times and I have failed people, but what is reassuring is knowing that in our community people provides hope, understands who you are, loves you no matter what and never judge you and so we have the courage to continue the journey. Together we will journey to heaven!

Courage then my brothers and sisters! According to Dr. Victor Frankl, "That which, does not kill me, makes me stronger." The trials we have, the challenges we face, makes us stronger. And together we will rise victorious in Christ! With a posture of nothingness, we can appreciate the small things, we can now smell the roses; we can now experience God in every second, in every bit of our lives. And when faced with difficulties, imprisoned by our own shortcomings and failures we can confidently asks forgiveness to God and pray as Dr. Victor Frankl prayed and understood when he said, "I prayed in my narrow prison cell and God answered me in the freedom of space." Enjoy then every moment, now is your time, now is your moment that God will use you powerfully. Do everything you can, so that you will have something to be left behind when you're gone. Nothingness in God is everything for us. WE ARE FILLED WHEN WE ARE EMPTY! WE ARE COMFORTED WHEN WE ARE HURT!

I always try to remind myself that I am nothing to God and His service, I AM DISPENSABLE ANYTIME. When God says that I am already a hindrance to His work, when He says that what I am doing has become a hindrance to His work and I have to go, and then cut me off, I'd rather go than His work to suffer. Like St. John, WE MUST DECREASE, HE MUST INCREASE. As we journey to God with the posture of nothingness, we can be assured of His unfailing love, we may not see it yet but victory is at hand. The sufferings, the challenges and trials are nothing compared to the joy of doing God’s work. A fruitful 2 years of Fulltime work indeed, years worth remembering, so much learning!

Christ cried and sweat with blood, but  I could only cry and sweat water! How could I complain?

by aats
written two years after answering the call, around 2005