Wednesday, June 29, 2011

God is a Dentist


Recently, I had been through a series of dental appointments. Few weeks ago were actually my very first dental appointment in Canada. I had a feeling of both excitements as well as a little bit of fear. I was excited in the sense that I finally had dental appointment after a long time, but a little bit fear also because I don’t like seeing dentist. I remember my first tooth extraction were I run away while the dentist was about to inject anaesthesia. The dentist along with his assistant has to run after me.

So it goes with those mixed feelings that I went to the dentist. The first few sessions were really good. The dentist examined my teeth, had some x-rays and found a lot of problems with it. So I had cleaning and fillings. Then my dentist told me that one tooth has to have root canal if it has to be saved. I honestly didn’t understand fully the root canal procedure, but I was thinking if this will solve my dental problems, then I’ll go with it. So another schedule was set, actually, two sessions for the entire root canal procedure.

When I had the last procedure that lasted for an hour or so, I was really praying while the dentist was operating on my tooth. The Lord somehow put some extra sense into what was happening at that moment in my life. I realized while praying, God is a dentist!

Wear and Tear of Eating

I realized if life is a tooth and God is a dentist, then my root canal procedure is but one of those instances in my life journey. It was not the dentist fault when dental problems were found on me but it was because I didn’t took care of my teeth. Teeth problems were my own doing! Or probably, I was having some bad teeth because of the normal wear and tear of eating. Same with my life, it was not Gods fault that I have some problems in life but it was because of my own choices. I made some bad decisions and so suffer the consequences of it. My life’s problems are my own doing! Or probably it’s part of normal life to have pains and sufferings, the normal wear and tear of life because I have no control of all situations. So when life’s tooth aches come, I go back to God and allow Him to check me up. Only He can have right diagnosis over all the tooth aches of life.

Going Through the Procedure

The moment the dentist told me about the real situation of my tooth, I know, I have to go through the root canal procedure, even if it hurts. There is no other way for my tooth to heal, but to go through it. So I decided to have a schedule of the operation.

There are root canal procedures in life that we have to go through. Painful as it may seems, there is no other way but to go through it. These are necessary pains for long term gains.

It’s Good Not to Know Everything

When the root canal procedure was about to start the dentist said, “Are you ready for the long haul?” At that moment it dawned on me, this is no minor operation, this is something major! So what I did, I just closed my eyes and pray for the entire procedure. I didn’t even bother to ask how the procedure is going to be done. I don’t want honestly to have an idea of what will happen, because it will just scare me more. Occasionally I will open my eyes, and I will see big needles and other scary dental things being put on my mouth. I can feel how long the needles being inserted in my tooth. So I chose to close my eyes again or else I will see some scary materials again. It helps not to know some of the procedure because if I know, my mind will already be picturing the scariest possible situation. That was probably one of the longest hours in my life.

Sometimes in life, I want to know everything. But the moment I come know, I ended up just hurting myself. What I’ve learned is that, I don’t have to know everything. There are things that are just meant to be like that. There are things that have no explanation at all. I just have to accept that I don’t know everything and that He is God and I am not. I don’t have to know everything about the root canal, my dentist knows better than me. Sometimes it’s good to just be silent, closed my eyes and prays, trusting that everything will be alright. Isn’t it when you are in a dental table, a blinding light is usually on top of you? That for me is His overwhelming light of embrace, telling me, “It will be fine, I will tell you everything about the procedure I did, after the operation. I tell you, you don’t want to know what I did to you now, but when it is finished, you will realize that this procedure is necessary for you to have a healthy life.” Some of the pains and hurts that I have will only have its meaning when the end goal is reach.

Anaesthesia is Helpful

I could just imagine how painful any operation will be without anaesthesia. No root canal procedure can be done without it. My dentist told me that the procedure’s aim is to kill all the nerves in my tooth. Drill my tooth, clean it and fill it. That’s basically root canal procedure. Without anaesthesia I would die in pain!

Life’s anaesthesia is also necessary. There are times when I am so much in pain that I just need the anaesthesia of God. I prayed, Lord I cannot handle this anymore, I am too hurt to go on, hide me in your wings.

There was this instance in one meeting that I had in our community when I was so down and out, and when I was looking around the venue I found a frame hanging on the wall with the following words:

“There shall be times in your life you shall need a place to hide, away from evil and unreached by your enemies. Make me your hiding place and I shall surely preserve you from trouble and hide you in my secret pavilion. There, you shall be safe from oppressors, gossip and evil. ‘You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with song of deliverance.’ Psalm 32:7”

It’s not a coward thing to hide for a while and be in his embrace, because only in His embrace can I face my life’s challenges head on.

Pains are Useful

As the root canal procedure continues, despite the anaesthesia, I still get some pains, especially if something is pushed hard. The dentist would ask, “Does this part hurts?” and I would say, “Yes, it does!”

I realized pains are useful. The moment my dentists know that some part of my tooth was still hurting, right procedure was immediately applied. Imagine if there was no pain, and fillings are in place already, my tooth will probably develop a much worst problem than the previous one.

Pains are also useful in life. It allows me to look deeper into myself and seriously consider reflecting what is wrong with me. It forces me to find a remedy instead of just burying and covering it with fillings that usually is but a facade of what is really happening inside, or else, the pains will continue unabated. It must be exposed, so that real diagnosis will be possible and the right procedure can be applied.

Pain Reliever is Necessary

After the operation the dentist gave me a pain reliever aside from the antibiotic that I have to take. I just had a major procedure and pain reliever, the dentist told me, will make the healing process bearable.

It’s okay too to have some pain relievers in life after a painful life root canal situation that I have. These pain relievers can be my family, friends, or places where I can recuperate. It will make my healing process bearable!

Trust the Dentist and Follow Instructions

When I had the root canal procedure, I went through it with full trust on my dentist. My dentist knows better than me. Trust is very important. I believe my dentist has the right and more than enough knowledge of my tooth problem. So when prescriptions are made, I follow the instructions.

I should trust God, He knows better than me. When He makes some holy root canal operation in my life, I trust that he has something good in mind for me. If I trust my human dentist, how much more God dentist! And because I trust God, I follow His instructions; I drink my medicines, including pain relievers of course.

God is a dentist indeed!

by aats

Sunday, June 26, 2011

You will realize that I AM... John 8:28

In our day to day to day affairs, it is so easy to see the things that hinders us, that gives us difficult situations. The same with our service, it gets so overwhelming, that we tend, sometimes unknowingly, to forget the One who is the Lord of service. Our service becomes a hindrance to our relationship with the Lord.

We have anxieties and fears but when you see Christ, you will realize that He is everything and nothing else matters.

If dreams seems to fail us because it didn't came true, if desires seems to frustrates us because it did not materialize and longings seems to empty us because we are not quenched, let us look on the cross and ponder upon the One who was crucified and we will realize how little are our concerns are, how small are our hurts are, and how pity our desires and longings are. For if we look at Christ, who desires nothing but love to the point of death, we could say, what a love!

When the time of fulfillment comes, when the time of dreams are realized, when the time of desires fulfilled and when the time of longings quenched, we will come into realization that He is God, and to put in in His own words, "You will know that I am..."

Until then, we need to have:

1. Patience - There is always an appointed time for everything says the book of Ecclesiastes.

2. Perseverance - Sirach 2 says, "Study the generations long past and understand; has anyone who hoped in the Lord and been disappointed?"

3. Joyful Anticipation - He is a God of surprises! Let us not spoil His plans for us. Psalm 139 says, "Even though You know, You will always love me." He knows! For He is the same yesterday, today and forever. So our desires are never beyond the plan of God for us.

And when the time comes, "You will realize that I am..."

by aats 

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Of Sewer and Excrement


I was reading an article on BBC about how archeologists are extensively studying the remains at Pompeii, an ancient Roman City buried by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. They are starting to study how the Romans live 2,000 years ago. The most useful part of the study was found on the largest excrement ever unearthed in the Roman world. The archeologists says the sewer helps them understand the lifestyle at that time, what they eat and even there health and jobs. They even called it unprecedented! Well, indeed it is! Imagine finding the lifestyle of people living thousand years ago in an excrement.

Isn’t it ironic that sometimes the only way to solve the riddle of life is through the lowly excrement! Nothing is wasted indeed, even the considered dirtiest place like a sewer can hold an answer to so many questions. Life is like that, the lowest and indescribably sewer like situation has its use too. Our hurts, pains, feeling of betrayal, losses, our seemingly unending excrement, our sewer life, can actually be useful. When we learn to face our excrement, unearth our sewers and faithfully reflect upon it, we can actually get the most astonishing discovery. The discovery of our very self! The vulnerable yet indomitable self! Nothing is wasted!

by aats

Friday, June 24, 2011

How do you pick up the threads of an old life?

How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? ...there are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold.

You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years... you have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on.

Well... I'm back.

Frodo - Lord of the Rings

It Takes Three to Make Love

It takes three to make love, not two: you, your spouse, and God. Without God people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another. Lovers who have nothing else to do but love each other soon find there is nothing else. Without a central loyalty life is unfinished.
Fulton J. Sheen (Seven Words of Jesus and Mary: Lessons from Cana and Calvary)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Posture of Nothingness


"Yet I consider life of no importance to me, if only may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to bear witness to the gospel of Gods grace." Acts 20:24.

I always admire the humility of St. Paul. Every time he encounters difficult situations, he always considers himself as nothing compared to his God and his service. He boasts of nothing but his weaknesses. And so he was so at peace when he said, "Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG." 2 Cor 12:10. St. Paul understands profoundly the basic truth that we can only be strong in Christ. It is in our weaknesses that we come into realization that we are nothing in front of Christ; it is only He who can make us strong. That is why He will be glorified more, when we cling on to Him every time we feel betrayed, misinterpreted, misunderstood because we felt unable to articulate much what our hearts feel. Brothers and sisters it is still God in the end!

St. Paul was so at peace with his God, that others are nothing compares to his Christ. Even life is no importance to him. I've never felt that much than becoming a missionary. Denying yourself before was just words beautifully told, but as I grow in this community it has become meaningful. As I grow deeper in understanding, denying oneself has more significance now. To die and deny, does not just means to die physically. Every time we deny and die with our own emotions, feelings and desires, the more God fills us up to the brim. Because we understand much that in denying ourselves we trust in the goodness of the beautiful plan of our God for us. He knows better than us!

In our service, there will always be challenges, there will always be obstacles. In our service, we get hurt, disappointed, misunderstood, insulted, and at times felt betrayed. We felt alone, and at times we felt abandoned. Every time we experience all these things, we journey with our God in His sufferings. "Whoever wants to follow me, must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me." Following our God is always denying ourselves! Everything is really nothing, WE ARE NOTHING! It is always a challenge for us to say in the end like St. Paul, "I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith." 2 Tim 4:7. We're not saying that we don't fail, because I do failed many times and I have failed people, but what is reassuring is knowing that in our community people provides hope, understands who you are, loves you no matter what and never judge you and so we have the courage to continue the journey. Together we will journey to heaven!

Courage then my brothers and sisters! According to Dr. Victor Frankl, "That which, does not kill me, makes me stronger." The trials we have, the challenges we face, makes us stronger. And together we will rise victorious in Christ! With a posture of nothingness, we can appreciate the small things, we can now smell the roses; we can now experience God in every second, in every bit of our lives. And when faced with difficulties, imprisoned by our own shortcomings and failures we can confidently asks forgiveness to God and pray as Dr. Victor Frankl prayed and understood when he said, "I prayed in my narrow prison cell and God answered me in the freedom of space." Enjoy then every moment, now is your time, now is your moment that God will use you powerfully. Do everything you can, so that you will have something to be left behind when you're gone. Nothingness in God is everything for us. WE ARE FILLED WHEN WE ARE EMPTY! WE ARE COMFORTED WHEN WE ARE HURT!

I always try to remind myself that I am nothing to God and His service, I AM DISPENSABLE ANYTIME. When God says that I am already a hindrance to His work, when He says that what I am doing has become a hindrance to His work and I have to go, and then cut me off, I'd rather go than His work to suffer. Like St. John, WE MUST DECREASE, HE MUST INCREASE. As we journey to God with the posture of nothingness, we can be assured of His unfailing love, we may not see it yet but victory is at hand. The sufferings, the challenges and trials are nothing compared to the joy of doing God’s work. A fruitful 2 years of Fulltime work indeed, years worth remembering, so much learning!

Christ cried and sweat with blood, but  I could only cry and sweat water! How could I complain?

by aats
written two years after answering the call, around 2005

 


 




Who are you seeking

It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your heart your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle.

It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.

Blessed Pope John Paul 2